twenty sixteen.

When thinking about the new year ahead I can't help but think about the things that I want to do differently. 2015 was such a big year for us. We found out we were having a baby just before 2015 began, and then we welcomed that sweet baby boy in September, which of course changed our life drastically. 

People try and prepare you for parenthood but you just don't understand until you experience it first hand. I had so many plans and goals and ideas in my pre-momma mind that make me want to laugh now. I never thought I would be one for "attachment parenting" but I am. I never thought I would be so sleep deprived and tired that I would want scream my head off at my sweet baby boy after hours of crying. Let's be honest, there are some crazy things that run through your mind at 2am when you are exhausted, but you keep at it. You love so much it hurts and you cry while looking at the peaceful angel in your arms at 3am, once he finally gave into the terrible, awful dangers of sleep. 

I've always heard people say that you realize how selfish you are when you get married. Honestly I never felt that way. I'm a people pleaser to my core and I love the act of serving. Transitioning from fiancé to wife with Peter was one of the happiest transitions I've experienced, but the wife to mom transition has been a bit trickier. It is easy to plan date nights but it can get very blurry when you spend your days and nights searching through the depths of new parenthood with your spouse. It is easy to forget to put him first when you have a baby that needs milk every two hours. It is easy to feel a whole lot less sexy when you are sitting next to your husband with a breast pump strapped to your chest on the couch. All of these things are blessings and I am so thankful for this season of life, trust me, but the sinful and selfish side of my heart becomes so clear when I'm tired and needing some one on one time with my husband. And even more when I need one on one time with my maker. 

He is the whole reason for this life, my family and my future. His kingdom is everything. He loves me in my selfish ways. He forgives me daily. He gives me new grace with every baby cry that opens my eyes. He gives me a deeper love for the man that made me a mother. He shows me the sweet love that my mom has for me, that I didn't realize how strong it is, until He gave me a baby of my own. He is love and the amount of love He shows me and gives me daily is overwhelming at times. 

So with this new year, 2016, I want to show that love in everything I do. Trying to become less selfish with my time for my Redeemer. Working harder to be the best wife and the best momma, every day. Soaking in the moments of this year, not just letting them pass by.