I think this time of year is always so exciting. The summer is coming to a close, which means the leaves will be changing soon and soup will be poured into dinner bowls and apples will be picked off the trees while the pumpkins are sitting on the porch. All very, very good things in my book! Another big change for many of us are the new schools, and teachers and classrooms, but I decided to sneak in one more year with both my boys at home together, while I could. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about it, and even toured a church preschool for a pre-K class, but I changed my mind for several reasons. One of them being the ache in my heart to keep Solomon close to me just a little bit longer. I’m thankful to have many friends with toddlers, so he’s never far from time with other children, but I know that isn’t the same thing. I know be would love it and thrive and grow so much at the chance to be away for a few hours a week, but it just didn’t feel right. Partly selfishly and then partly realistically. Either way, I’m holding tight just a little bit longer.

All this preparation in my heart for the possibility of letting go a little bit made my mind race. I see All the posts from friends as they send their kids to school. I hear the nervousness in my sister-in-laws voice as she talked about her son going to public school for the first time. There are a lot of firsts for us all, but I kept hearing the Lord reminding me that nothing is a first for Him. He knows the plans of our future and he holds us all in his hands. One of the many posts that I saw this week reminded all the parents out there of a very important truth simply stating “God loves them more.” And that is true. He loves us, and he gave us these little lives to love, teach, and then release out into the world, but then we have to remember that he loves those lives more than we could ever imagine. More than we  ever could possibly love them. They are his. 

So, as I soak in one more year with my little guys, playing and learning together, I will work my hardest to show them Christ in our home. Hopefully that will prepare Solomon even more for his first day of school. More than practicing numbers, letters and writing his name, but teaching him about the one who created the stars in the sky, and made him the strong and smart boy that he has become. Working on his heart more than his mind, so that when he is away from me, he will know he is loved by a real God & also treat others with kindness and love. 

I'm praying for all you parents who drove away from your babies this week. Those who dropped them off for a couple of hours & those who won't see them till their next holiday break. I can only imagine how your hearts must have felt and how tightly you wanted to hold on, but just remember, God loves them more. And he loves you, too!

& I can only imagine how many more hours I will spend laying on the floor coloring with my big boy. He's obsessed, and I absolutely love it!!!

Asher's Dedication.

Yesterday we had a special celebration with a group of close friends and family as we dedicated Asher's life to Christ. I love how intimate and personal the dedications are at our church, and the special meaning behind them. Sharing our babies with our community and church is such a blessing. Hoping that they learn about Jesus and grow up to be men of God is one of my biggest prayers, and I know that our church will help us in that task. We have already learned so much from the teaching, and the community we have made at Grace, that has helped us in this journey of parenthood. I'm so excited about the future that our children will have their also. 

We finally made it to church for the first time since Asher was born and it was wonderful. We wanted to go last week but it was one of those cold rainy days, and I wasn't feeling 100%, so it didn't happen. But, this week was different. I was beyond ready to get back and worship. I've missed it terribly. Asher was so great during the entire service. The songs we sang after the wonderful sermon were so good for my heart. It was so special to wear my new sleeping baby as I swayed back and forth and  sang to the Lord. Having his dedication after church was just the icing on the cake for me. It was such a good morning!

Some of our sweet community group! It was so special to have four babies to celebrate together. 

This picture means so much to me. All of those close to us, surrounding us in prayer and support for our baby boy. The person to the left is my mother in law and the person to the right is my mom. It really is special to have the two most important women in our life always praying with us and helping us love our babies. Such a huge blessing, and we are so thankful! Thank you all who came to help us love and celebrate Asher. I pray that he does big things for our Father and His Kingdom one day!!

my sweet babies.

We've never been a big on Valentines Day celebrations, but it's always fun to give a little extra love to those special people in your life! Yesterday afternoon was a long one. I had two boys who only wanted to cry and needed some one on one mommy time. Those moments are the hardest so far. When Solomon is crying "mommy hold me" while I'm feeding a very hungry newborn. I try my best to love them both as hard as I can, but sometimes I can feel a little spread thin. Sadly, in those moments I tend to lose my cool. I definitely don't feel like a lovable mommy all the time, but these boys still want me. They still love me and need me. And I need them back. Even in the long and hard moments of our days, I need them so desperately. My biggest prayer right now is that when they see I'm not perfect, that they also see that I need Christ every day. I hope that my need for Him will create a need for Him in their life. Because I need Jesus so much. All day long I need Him, and He gave me these sweet babies to love, and teach and disciple daily. I read a quote recently from the Well Watered Women Blog that really resonated with me......

"One thing I've learned about discipling our young children is that it's usually much simpler than we make it out to be. Nurturing the hearts of our children is not a sprint: it's a marathon. Our goal isn't shallow roots that sprout up quickly and die, but deep healthy roots that are firmly established  in God's rich fertile soil."

So true, and so good to remember in these crazy days of motherhood. So, Happy Valentine's Day to my little loves. I'm so thankful that God gave me your little hearts to grow and nurture, in hopes to create big hearts for Him one day. I love you!

the way he looks at his big brother kills me!

mom, stop it and hold me!

Happy Love Day, friends!!! 

Keeping CHRIST in Christmas.

Throughout the month of December I tried my best to keep our home and hearts focused on Christ because I know it is so easy to get distracted. Especially this year with Solomon becoming more aware and active in our traditions, I knew I wanted to make an effort to create some sweet memories. I thought it would be nice to share a little bit of what we did, since I had several people enquirer about some of the things I had shared on Instagram and Facebook this month. I love having this space for that reason, sharing my heart and little bits of our life for my memory sake, and also to share my heart for Christ. 

1 // birthday cake for Jesus

Making the cake was definitely my favorite part of our traditions this year! I had hopes to make a cake for baby Jesus last year but Solomon was still pretty small and it was completely over his head. After seeing how much he has grown to love birthdays and birthday cakes, I knew he'd love making one for Jesus. And eating it, of course!

On Christmas Eve, after the morning Christmas Eve service at our church, we came home to make the cake before lunch. He was so excited and I bought him an adorable apron set from Pottery Barn that he was even more excited to wear while baking with mommy. It was all so cute. 

Then Christmas morning, after the gifts were opened and we had our breakfast we got to light the candle on the cake and sing  happy birthday to baby Jesus. It was sweet, and I can tell that it will be a very sweet tradition to keep up in the future. 

2 // three wisemen gifts

When I was growing up I knew a family that did this so I always thought it would be a sweet thing to do with my family one day. One thing I love most about this is how the living room and Christmas tree isn't consumed with gifts. I personally never liked the idea of over giving when it comes to Christmas or Birthdays. Less is more in my book, and most of the time kids get so many things from other family members and friends, anyways. So, having just three gifts that represent three gifts like Jesus got is a great way to keep it simple and also tell the story behind it. 

We have also agreed to "do Santa" but not enforce it. It's pretty easy for a kid to believe in Santa with all the Christmas happening around us on tv, in the mall, and all the songs on the radio. I also grew up believing in Santa and I had so many wonderful and fun memories from that time. It is magical and a kids imagination is such a beautiful thing, so it's only natural for Santa to be a part of that. I did want to tweak a few things and not do the naughty or nice part. We plan to tell our kids that Santa is a nice guy that brings gifts but he doesn't see you when you are sleeping, and he can't know if you are good or bad, only God can do that. I believe it's very important for our children to know the difference between a story about Kris Kringle, and the truth about Christ. I would never want them to confuse the two. 

When picking out the gifts I decided to do something they want (typically the BIG thing they ask Santa for each year), something they need & something to read. I also like to try and keep the three gifts faith based as much as possible so we can continue to point the gifts back to the true reason for the season. This also helps you keep Santa at a low cost and not go overboard, which is also nice once you have multiple children, which we hope to have one day. 

Solomon's big WANT this year was his bike, that was easy because he never stopped talking about wanting a big boy bike anytime anyone mentioned Santa to him. The NEED was a new puzzle for his room since he has outgrown the simple ones he plays with every night. I ended up buying him this New Testament Puzzle which I thought was so cute. The second he opened it he exclaimed JESUS, which made my heart so happy. The READ was this First Bible Basics book which I loved because of the beautiful images and how it explains the theology of the bible. 

3 // advent cards

I was so excited when I found these Crew and Co Advent Cards because they went along with the Jesus Story Book Bible which is a big favorite in our house. It would be so simple to add in these cards to our bedtime routine with Solomon and read the bible verse on the card and then read the story as a family every night. Don't get me wrong, we definitely missed some nights, but 90% of the cards were read and finished. I couldn't help but think about how sweet it would be to pull out the cards each year and reread the story of baby Jesus as a family. I love traditions and this one will definitely be a big part of our Christmas season for a long time. 

So there are a few of the things that I have tried to do this year to keep our eye on the real reason for the season! I have heard and seen a few things that I love that I might try to add to the mix next year, but we'll see. Are there any special things you do with your family?? I'd love to hear them! 

preparation.

A little glimpse of Asher's room. I'm so happy with how it's all coming together!

A big part of pregnancy is preparation. The room, all the clothes, what car seat should we depend on, which diapers should we use, picking out a name, what will my birthplan be? So many questions and things to plan ahead for. I love this part of pregnancy since I'm a huge planner and checklist type of person. Thankfully a lot of the questions weren't a problem this time around thanks to it being our second baby. But I have been a little shocked with how different this time around has been.

This pregnancy has been very different than my first. I don't know if it's having a toddler running around, or if it's my body already experiencing this before, but the aches and pains are real. For months, I have felt like I did a couple of weeks before Solomon was born. I can't imagine making it to my due date based on how I feel right now but, we'll have to wait and see when Asher is ready to meet us. One thing that I have been struggling with is preparing for labor. This was a big shock for me. 

As most of you know, my birth story with Solomon (Part 1 & Part 2), was such an amazing experience and I've been dreaming about having another baby and going through birth again since that day. One of the reasons I loved birth so much was how close I felt to God. As a believer, I wanted to put all my hope on Him as I pushed through the changes and my body worked to bring my baby into my arms. I also believed that women's bodies were made to do this incredible task, and as long as everything went as planned, I could do it with His help. I wrote more about how God's peace was surrounding me through the process of giving birth to Solomon here. 

So I was feeling pretty bummed about how my heart was feeling. I think that is why I have been having such a hard time lately, the peace I felt with Solomon had faded some. We have had a hard 5-6 weeks with a cold passing around our house. Add in the way my body is becoming even more uncomfortable, which I didn't think was possible, and you have a very down and worn out momma. We went almost a month without going to church because one of us was sick and we didn't want to spread the germs. A couple of weeks ago we finally made it to church since the runny noses subsided for a couple of days. I was so thrilled! Worshiping at church is one of my favorite things, and I love to prepare for birth by listening to my playlist, which also includes a lot of the songs that we sing at church. As we were singing one of my favorite songs, Great & Mighty King, I could hardly hold back the tears. I've said for a while now that this song is so great for a birth playlist and I could feel God's peace wrapping me up like warm blanket as I sang the words..... 

Your glory fills this place,

we shout unending praise, 

forever hallelujah 

forever hallelujah 

With singing those words I could picture it. Walking around our living room and feeling those contractions that will bring Asher to us. Standing in the shower of the Birthing Center with hot water pouring over my tight stomach. Swaying back and forth on a birthing ball while praying and worshiping the King who gave me this second miracle. All while feeling His glory around me. His glory will fill every place, as long as I let it. 

I now can't wait to experience birth for the second time. I'm ready! I'm excited to rely fully on His presence and glory to bring Asher to us so we can meet him face to face. He is going to be perfect & I thank our loving Father for giving us a second son to add to our family. 

trying again.

ESV Journal Bible & NLT Study Bible

I tried to complete the Chronological Bible Study a couple years ago but I got extremely overwhelmed, and behind in the study, so I gave up. I didn't realize at the time why I was not enjoying it, but after completing the amazing Seamless bible study with some wonderful women this summer, it was pretty clear. I didn't "get" the story of the bible. I knew a lot of stories, characters and the BIG Jesus love story, but I didn't understand how it was all connected. I didn't grasp how God knitted everything together. 

While I was doing the Seamless study, Nicole posted about her study through the bible with #ourstoryofredemption, and the wheels started turning in my head. I could dig deeper and enjoy the chronological bible study now, right?? Well, I'm going to try! I really believe that I can enjoy and learn even more now, if I work through the bible with my Seamless book close by. 

I want to try my best to do a couple of things, and as always, I will use this space to keep me accountable. It doesn't always work (hello, 101 in 1001, I kind of forgot about you!) but I truly believe that this time is different. I want this space to be centered around Christ. Pouring out His truth and His love story for all to see. So, here are the things I want to do...... 

1 // complete the chronological study and share what I'm learning here

2 // make time for quiet time, everyday, even if it is just a few moments of prayer

3 // keep up with my prayer journal 

4 // don't get bogged down by the date, I want to dig deep and enjoy this, not just push through quickly with a timeline

I'm excited! (so excited that I actually wrote out the whole reading plan, typical Cassie move) I feel excitement about reading the bible. That is such a wonderful feeling, that I honestly haven't had in a very long time. His love is so sweet, the way He pursues our heart in the most tender and loving way. He is jealous for us. Us, even in our dirty and selfish ways, He wants us. Let's want Him back, fully and deeply in His word! Follow along with #ourstoryofredemption as we dig deeper! If digging deeper scares you, like it scared me once, go buy Seamless right this second!!! You will learn the sweetest love story of all time, the story of God's love for His people. 

all or nothing.

Today's post is something a little different for me. I don't normally share posts like this, but when I was contacted by Heather Von St. James and learned about her story, I knew I wanted to be a part of this inspirational day. Heather was diagnosed with Mesothelioma in 2005, right after giving birth to her beautiful daughter Lilly. Mesothelioma is very rare and occurs in the lining of the body's internal organs. Sadly, it has a usual diagnosis of 15 months. Once she learned that she only had 15 months, she decided to live with an ALL OR NOTHING mentality! After she beat the odds and survived, she made it her mission to spread awareness and to continue to live her life fully. Such an inspiration!

When Heather asked me to be a part of All or Nothing Day, I didn't hesitate to say yes. With all the darkness and sadness surrounding us every day, I wanted to share something full of light and goodness. It is sad that flags stay at half staff, the news is always pushing the latest threat or killing, and the political drama is never ending. But today is a reminder that we should live every day in hope and faith, celebrating life.

Today, July 26th, is National All or Nothing Day. Seize the day! What better way to live life, everyday? Life is short. It goes by so quickly, speeding up with age. When Heather emailed me about participating in this wonderful day, she told me, "I wanted to reach out to you after seeing on your blog how you truly embrace each and every day..." That is what I hope people see. Not only in this space but in my every day life. Spending more time to hug those I love and reach out to those in need. 

"Whoever believes in me, as Scripture has said, rivers of living water will flow from within them.”

John 7:38

Rivers of living water, that is what I want my life to look like. Today, tomorrow & all of eternity. I'm so thankful that I can say that my future is in His hands. It truly makes living every day with an All or Nothing attitude so much easier. 

Heather, thank you for giving me the opportunity to share your beautiful story! Check out Heather's incredible story, it is so inspiring! 

working on work.

I truly believe that motherhood is just an awesome way to teach you how to eat your words. A wonderful way of teaching you that you are not in control. I'm thankful everyday that my heart truly knows who is in control. Jesus gives me patience, and when I lose that patience, He gives me grace. I pray so often that my mothering can mirror His love for me. Patience, Grace, Understanding & Love. 

We have been working through the book of Ephesians at our church for the past few months and I've really enjoyed it. A couple of weeks ago, while in chapter 6, the following verse really spoke to me.... 

Ephesians 6:7 
Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. 

Service is an act of worship. The work that the Lord has given me is a way for me to worship Him. Obeying enthusiastically pleases Him, and I want to please Him so badly. I'm so thankful that He has given me this family to love. I'm thankful every day that I have the opportunity to stay at home and be a mom full time. All mom's are a full time mom, but I'm glad that I can do the job at home. The pastor said something in the sermon that hit me like a ton of bricks.

 ..........the quality of our work shows the depth of our faith.

In the nights of teething when I want to lose my cool and I am aggravated and sleep deprived, that work I have to do, is given to me by the Lord. He knows I can handle it, He has given me the chance to do the work with a happy heart. Rocking and swaying with a 20+ pound baby on my chest that will scream and cry if I try and sit or lay down is work. You better believe that is work! But, it is work for Him. I was singing a song to Solomon the other night while I was experiencing the back pain and the sore arms from hours of swaying and bobbing that heavy boy on my chest. 

Holy Spirit, you are welcome here. come flood this place and fill the atmosphere. Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for. to be overcome by Your presence, Lord. 

Service is an act of worship. Without even thinking about it, in a hard moment of motherhood when I wanted to go to sleep and not have a crying baby on my chest, I chose to worship. Looking back at it now I have tears in my eyes from living that moment. Not even aware of the motions I was taking, but letting the Holy Spirit move in that dark room. 

This season as a wife and a mom is my act of service. I have the opportunity to be an Ezer for Peter and teach Solomon about the love of Christ. It is so much more than holding hands and saying our prayers before dinner. It is in the little moments of our days and nights where I can allow myself to worship and lift up Christ to him. Showing him the reason why we are all here, to work for His kingdom. Enthusiastically working for His kingdom. 

This is one of those times when I started out writing a blog post that turned into a completely different post. I like to think that is God's way of speaking through me, when He takes control of my fingers and goes crazy with my words and my heart. I'm so thankful that I have this outlet and can freely share my heart and my Jesus this way. 

(The pictures for this post are from a sweet afternoon out in the yard when our boy was very happy outside, before the crazy night of crying and screaming.)

twenty sixteen.

When thinking about the new year ahead I can't help but think about the things that I want to do differently. 2015 was such a big year for us. We found out we were having a baby just before 2015 began, and then we welcomed that sweet baby boy in September, which of course changed our life drastically. 

People try and prepare you for parenthood but you just don't understand until you experience it first hand. I had so many plans and goals and ideas in my pre-momma mind that make me want to laugh now. I never thought I would be one for "attachment parenting" but I am. I never thought I would be so sleep deprived and tired that I would want scream my head off at my sweet baby boy after hours of crying. Let's be honest, there are some crazy things that run through your mind at 2am when you are exhausted, but you keep at it. You love so much it hurts and you cry while looking at the peaceful angel in your arms at 3am, once he finally gave into the terrible, awful dangers of sleep. 

I've always heard people say that you realize how selfish you are when you get married. Honestly I never felt that way. I'm a people pleaser to my core and I love the act of serving. Transitioning from fiancé to wife with Peter was one of the happiest transitions I've experienced, but the wife to mom transition has been a bit trickier. It is easy to plan date nights but it can get very blurry when you spend your days and nights searching through the depths of new parenthood with your spouse. It is easy to forget to put him first when you have a baby that needs milk every two hours. It is easy to feel a whole lot less sexy when you are sitting next to your husband with a breast pump strapped to your chest on the couch. All of these things are blessings and I am so thankful for this season of life, trust me, but the sinful and selfish side of my heart becomes so clear when I'm tired and needing some one on one time with my husband. And even more when I need one on one time with my maker. 

He is the whole reason for this life, my family and my future. His kingdom is everything. He loves me in my selfish ways. He forgives me daily. He gives me new grace with every baby cry that opens my eyes. He gives me a deeper love for the man that made me a mother. He shows me the sweet love that my mom has for me, that I didn't realize how strong it is, until He gave me a baby of my own. He is love and the amount of love He shows me and gives me daily is overwhelming at times. 

So with this new year, 2016, I want to show that love in everything I do. Trying to become less selfish with my time for my Redeemer. Working harder to be the best wife and the best momma, every day. Soaking in the moments of this year, not just letting them pass by. 

Christmas 2015.

It was definitely a new kind of Christmas for us this year. It has been a wonderful season of new memories that we will treasure forever, thanks to our little man. We had so many days of celebrations so I thought I'd lump them all in one big post! 

We started the Christmas week with some sweet time and gifts with my adopted aunties!

It was so much fun as always but a little more exciting with the sweet babies around.

best hat ever for my BFF, so glad she loved it as much as I did!

Christmas Eve services at our church downtown before going to my grandmas!

The little guy was sleeping during most of the service.

These two guys are so cute!!!

Christmas morning in our PJs by the tree!

Some Christmas morning love for Papa G and Gigi, too!

We drove to Charlotte to spend a couple of nights with Peter's sister and her family, it was so much fun to spend time with them and just relax with family. 

& we finished the Christmas fun with dinner at Gigi's house and some gifts!

Gigi made her delicious prime rib & horseradish twice baked potatoes like always

but she really stepped it up with this dark chocolate pie with sea salt and pistachios!!

Last night, while I was trying to get that little man to sleep, I read him the first few pages of his Jesus Storybook Bible. It really hit home for me, with the end of this wonderful Christmas, and the sweet reason for it all making my heart so full.... 

"It takes the whole Bible to tell this Story. And at the center of the Story, there is a baby. Every Story in the Bible whispers His name. He is like the missing piece in a puzzle - the piece that makes all the other pieces fit together, and suddenly you can see a beautiful picture. "

That is the reason for the Christmas season, and I pray that Solomon knows that one day. Not gifts, or a man in a red suit that brings them, but a baby that was born in a stable to save him. To save all of us.