a new decade.

"There is a continuity between who you are now and who you will be in eternity.... people think that this is what's going to happen, that when I die, I prayed this prayer and I became a Christian, and that when I die then I'm going to be different than I am now. And the truth is, you will be different then, but you will be a purer version of who you are then..... purer in the sense of, less mixed. So if the root of who you are in this life, is that I'm not generous, then when you get into eternity, you aren't going to be generous there either...... what happens is, God's either restraining grace is removed, and you become a purer version of who you are in your sin when you die, because we are all experiencing His common grace now. Or when you die, you become a purer version of who you are and your glorified. Either condemnation or glorification..... you become a purer version of who you are."

I honestly can't think of a better way to start a new decade than to have a light bulb go off in your head like I did over the weekend. The above quote is from the sermon at our church on Sunday and it stepped all over my toes. It made me ask some really hard questions and it couldn't have come at a better time. Starting a new decade in my life is something I've been looking forward to. The twenties were fun and exciting but now that I have settled into this life the Lord has given me, I want to dig in deep and live every day doing His work.
I want my thirties to be all His.

When I look back at my twenties I see a lot of selfishness, but thankfully I see so much of His grace, as well. He cleaned up parts of my life that were full of the enemy and sin. He gave me this wonderful family that I have the privilege to love on every day, and I sincerely hope that I always point them to Christ. My husband is the biggest blessing in my life. I'm not saying he is perfect, or that our marriage is perfect, but he continues to make it easy to love him and need him daily. Watching him become a dad and lead our family and our home has been one of the sweetest things I've ever experienced. I'm so thankful to have such a loving and kind man for Solomon to look up to. He is clearly obsessed with his daddy, and I don't blame him one bit.

Becoming a mother was probably the biggest life altering moment I've ever experienced. It let me hold and grasp something that was so much bigger than just myself. It brought me closer to God in a way I could have never imagined. Trusting in Him completely and resting in His goodness throughout pregnancy, labor and now parenthood has been such a wonderful adventure.

God has also surrounded me with so many women that love the Lord and call out the dirtiness in my life when they see it. They help me see what is right, and they keep me accountable in a way that only a lovingly sister in Christ can do. I can't wait to see how the relationships I have will evolve and become even sweeter as we stumble through our thirties together. I'm so thankful to have them with me to help me remember what is important and to keep me laughing along the way.

So here I am, the day before I'm thirty, and I'm excited to see what the future holds. I pray that my decisions will be made in love for others and rooted in the God who loves us. I want to glorify Him in every little and big thing I do. In the way I love my family, the way I help my husband, the way I talk to my son, the way I wake every morning and go to sleep at night. All of this life, dying to myself, and living in Him. The twenties were sweet, but oh how I believe my thirties will be even sweeter.