these days.

October 15, 2015

Well, I'm officially a stay at home mom. My biggest dream is coming true, I honestly can't believe it sometimes. I am so thankful for the opportunity. Thankful for this blessing from God, and thankful for a husband that supports my decision, and thankful for the flexibility to be able to stay at home at all. Just a lot of thankfulness all around right now. 

I was 98% sure that I would love being at home and I'm happy to find that I was right. It definitely has its perks like Kelly and Michael making my mornings wonderful. But let's be honest, the constant snuggles and quiet times while Solomon is eating and we are learning each other, take the cake. 
Motherhood is a crazy thing. 

Crazy in how much my heart hurts when he cries or how big my heart can feel when he smiles at me. The crazy moments of victory and the super crazy low moments, because there are definitely low moments, trust me. So many friends told me that they couldn't stay at home because it was lonely and they had to get back to work for some time away. I understand that now... I never thought I would. I love every second of being at home with my baby but when the day turns to night and your husband is traveling for work and you are still alone, that is when I feel those feelings. 

I am thankful for visitors though. My mom coming over to give a hand and hold a baby, even when I call past midnight for help. Friends dropping off food and checking on us. Long hours of FaceTime with my sister in law as we both feed our baby boys. All those things are life savers and I'm so thankful for them. I am also thankful for a husband that works so hard, even when that means he has to work away from home. I know it isn't easy on either of us, but he does it with a happy heart.

In the hard moments like we had last night, I can't help but hear the sweetest lyrics in my head. The same lyrics that helped me push through labor. The same lyrics that I held Solomon in his nursery rocking in our chair, crying tears of joy during our first days at home, because he is mine. The lyrics that help me see the truth and feel God's arms holding me with love.

As I'm typing this I hear the truth in these lyrics. I hear the swing rocking my loud snoring child. I smell the fresh brewed coffee from this morning. The light is shining from the front of the house on this beautiful 70 degree, fall morning. I have all the feels today. The happy ones, the thankful ones, the tired ones (Lord, yes.) and the hopeful ones. Hopeful in the fact that this is a new day and we will conquer the unknown together. My baby and me.

on that cross of calvary
every burden has been defeated
every wretched heart redeemed
You drown our sins in seas of crimson

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