this picture.

December 2, 2015

I can't even begin to describe the amount of feelings this photo makes my heart feel. I remember how happy, proud, scared, excited and tired I felt in that moment. Holding my fresh new baby in my arms, ready to leave the birthing center and go home. Knowing that my heart had never felt this kind of love, something so strong and intense that it was some kind of magic. 

As I watch my baby boy grow each day I can't help but want to bottle up all the little baby about him. I've always been a person who looks forward to things. Always thinking about the next stage of life and excited for change, and that still happens now with Solomon. I think things like, I can't wait for him to sit up and play with me or I can't wait to see him take his first step. But at the same time I'm holding onto each little moment that passes by and hoping for time to slow down so I can soak it in a little bit longer. 

There are already so many moments that I miss. I miss being pregnant and rubbing my belly. I miss feeling his little squirms inside and wondering what he would look like. I miss the excitement I felt during the hours of labor and delivery. I miss the feeling of safety when I surrendered to the pain and prepared to see my little love for the first time. I miss those first few minutes of getting to know each other and watching my husband become a father. I miss a lot, but I'm so looking forward to all the memories ahead. 

Looking at this photo also makes my heart hurt. It hurts for those women that long to be a mom with all of their heart. It makes me think back to the time when my heart was preparing for this new world and wondered when God would bring that season into our life. This season is such a humbling experience and I never want to forget that there are those who long for a baby of their own. I'm constantly learning how to become more selfless and realize how much of a mess I am. Solomon helps a lot with that, but he also forgives me so easily with his sweet smiles. 

Most of all, this photo reminds me of God's grace and love. Knowing that the amount of love that I have in my heart doesn't even begin to match the love that Father has for us. His love is like no other and I feel that, it is overwhelming at times, in the sweetest way. During this season of advent I want to dig deeper into that love. I pray that He helps me become a better child of His, a sweeter wife, and a good mother. I pray for our future and hope that He has many more babies for us in the days to come. I pray for this family to further His kingdom. 

Yes, all of that comes to my mind when looking at this photo. So many feelings and so many memories. So much love. 

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