that time that God gave me a little gift.

July 17, 2013

A week ago I was struggling with some stress. Little things that have to do with the wedding like a calligraphy pen that I needed to finish the invites so we can send them out to all of our guests. I started with one pen, it died. So I bought another one on Amazon, used it and just like the other, it died. On the search for another pen I started with Amazon... no pen. Checked other places online... no pen. Checked local craft stores... no pen. 
The stress began. 

Yes. Over a pen. Then I remembered earlier that day I saw this little bit of wonderful on pinterest... 

All of my feelings were coming straight from Satan. I knew it was true. I let him inside and let him jumble my heart and my head instead of fighting him. Once I realized how crazy I was acting I decided to shut that door. Slam that door right in his face. Bam! Out with your evil ways and constant need to cause turmoil in my life.

I then made the conscious effort to let God in. Opening that door and welcoming Him into the stress. Asking Him to calm the obsessive need to find a silly pen. Begging Him to comfort my worried heart. Letting Him make my life still instead of rushing to find a conclusion for something so little. 

I decided that I'd find a pen. It may not be the same exact pen but it would work. It would be fine and the world would move on without that one specific pen. No big deal. 

Skip ahead a couple of days later... I decided to dig out my white summer purse from the bottom of my closet for the trip to Biltmore on Friday night. I transferred all the necessary things to the white bag and didn't think much of it. In the car on the way to Biltmore I started to rummage through the old bag because I am notorious for leaving little surprises in my bags after I switch to the next. While digging around in all the compartments I found several fun things. A lipstick that I thought I lost... a really pretty ring that I haven't seen since last summer... some awesome mascara that somehow wasn't at all clumpy.... After finding all of these goodies I had my hand down in the center of the bag and I felt something really familiar. Something I never thought I'd find. I'm sure you know what it was. The same exact pen that I needed and couldn't find anywhere. Literally, the last place I thought I would find one. I squealed and startled everyone in the car. I ripped the cap off praying that the ink wasn't dried out and then I squealed even louder when a thick line of black appeared on an old receipt. 

Everyone in the car was staring at me. Confused, slightly frightened and wondering why in the world I was screaming over a pen. It was THE pen! I then thought it would only make sense to scream "THANK YOU LORD!!! HE GAVE ME THIS PEN!" or something along those lines... I'm not quite sure what I really screamed but I was overcome with happiness because I don't remember ever having one of these pens last summer. I can't imagine why I would have ever put a pen like this in my purse. It just didn't make sense. The only thing that did make sense was this answered prayer. How he took away my stress, my obsession, my worry... he took all of it away and then this little gift was just an added bonus. His love is so sweet and the way He hears our cries and comforts us always amazes me. 

After a fun weekend (and some invitation addressing with my awesome new pen) I was excited about church on Sunday morning. The topic was on patience. Once again... He was speaking to me. The teaching pastor for the day, Bill White, was explaining how the definition of patience is not a personality style... it is the outcome of long suffering for love (Ephesians 4:2). How Christ is dwelling in our heart through faith and when He fills that space in our heart we are able to suffer long for those we love and really experience patience. 

He then moved on to Hebrews 12:1 and talked about how life is a race. The Lord puts us in this race and we should run with endurance and patience for the one true goal. To be with Him forever. We should look forward to that before anything else. Our whole life should point to that one goal. Our future with Him. Then Bill said something that I needed to hear more than anything.... 

"I am not going to live for my wedding day here, I'm going to live for the wedding day, the marriage supper of the lamb. I'm not living for my reception & I'm not obsessing over that. But I'm living for the reception that God is going to put on when He unites the Bride of Christ to His Son. That's the one I'm looking forward to. And not that it's wrong to look forward to the one that's in between but you can't put your hope in it. You put your hope in the one that's coming." 

I was shocked. I turned to look at Peter sitting right beside me and just laughed. It is so true. It doesn't matter what pen I use for the invitations. It doesn't matter how perfect our reception is. All that matters is the outcome of this race. The end goal of spending eternity with Him. 

Yes, I am incredibly thankful for the man I will be enduring this race with. Yes, I am looking forward to the day that will make us husband and wife. Our life will become one and I'm so happy that we have Jesus Christ to live that life for and then spending eternity in His presence. That is the end goal. 

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