Hello blog, and all those people who still read this thing. Even after my hiatus of not writing for weeks. It has been a BUSY month so far, and I honestly haven't had the energy to sit down and write or share anything here because of it. Things have been SO GOOD and I wanted to share a little bit about this year, since we are almost finished with 2018, somehow?!?

2018 has been a weird one for me. Definitely a roller coaster of emotions, which I was not expecting. Looking back now I can see the wonderful highs and the very strange lows.....

January - We have a new baby and I fall madly in love with him, but I also miss my sweet toddler so much it hurts. I remember rocking Asher to sleep at night and crying because I wanted to be with Solomon. It was so surprising how alone I felt in the first few weeks as a mother of two. I am so thankful for a hands on hubby who took over a lot of the "Solomon duties", but that just made me miss them both so much, since I was always busy in the newborn baby blur. 

February - I was figuring out the whole world of mothering two little boys and trying my best to find my new normal. I honestly loved every second of it and worked really hard to have one on one time with Solomon as often as possible while Asher was sleeping. Watching Solomon become a big brother and love Asher was also the best thing ever!!

March - Asher was getting SO BIG and I was so thankful that he was feeding well and sleeping well, but I couldn't figure out why I was still in so much pain while nursing him, even after three months. Then I saw the spots in his mouth.... thrush. The dreaded, awful, thrush. Thankfully he was better very quickly, but it took me a good three weeks to get over it.

April - We head to Cancun for a MUCH NEEDED vacation where I got to relax and nurse a baby in the shade on the beach and eat way too much amazing food while Peter chased Solomon around the entire time. HA! It was a good week, and I felt like it really helped me recharge after the thrush experience.

May & June - All the summer feels were strong and I had so much fun creating memories during the week with my two boys, and then our family memories on the weekends with daddy. Life was warm and so good!!

July - My mom got to travel to FL with us for Peter's work trip and it was a ton of fun. We had a great time with both of the boys and were happy to come home and start the potty training process for Solomon since he was showing all the signs. He seemed ready except for how he would say that the potty would hurt him and he was afraid to use it. If only I would have listened to him. July 7th was the first day of "training" and he was a rock star with peeing. Not even one accident, he totally got it. No.1 was so easy, but No.2 was the scariest thing he had ever faced. For a boy that didn't have much fear about anything, I think it was crippling for him. He didn't want to go at all, not even in a diaper, he just stopped going completely until he couldn't hold it any longer, which only added to the fear.

It's strange how my life became consumed with this whole situation. I said to several people that I don't think I've ever had postpartum depression, but I really feel I might have post-potty depression. It was a joke I would say here and there, but deep down, I knew it was true. Somehow, this whole potty fiasco triggered so many feelings in me. I didn't like not being in control, because if there is ANYTHING you can't control, it is your child's bowel movements. Because of how uncomfortable Solomon was, he became another child. Sad all the time, not wanting to play, clingy and crying, tired, moody, and all these things made me incredibly moody in return. Looking back now, I'm sure that my reactions didn't help his fear of the bathroom.

Flash forward to December and so many things in our daily life have just clicked. I've completely given up the control to God alone. I can't even tell you how many heart to heart talks I'e had with my maker about making my child poop. It's weird. But, He knows my heart, and He made Solomon exactly the way he is, even with this fear. I know that He is trying to teach me something throughout the past six months. Teaching me how to release my expectations and allowing myself to find happiness in Him, even when our life isn't happy at the moment.

We have also added some daily vitamins to our routine, and regular trips to the chiropractor for me and Solomon, which I think has been a HUGE game changer. We are both drinking Ningxia Red everyday, then Solomon is taking the Kidscents MightyPro and I'm taking the Super B tablets everyday. I 100% believe that this has been a HUGE game changer for my emotional support every day. It is also helping us both fight the nasty germs floating around during this time of year. I've always loved Young Living, but now I can truly say that I see the result of daily consistent use. I start my day with diffusing uplifting oils, I'm taking care of my mind and body, and I'm also getting better rest (even with several wake-ups from Asher) thanks to defusing calming oils at night. My love has now turned to necessity, and I'm so thankful for the changes I have seen because of it.

It has definitely been a whirlwind of a year, but I'm so thankful that we can end it on a happy note. We still aren't over our battle of potty training, but it is significantly better and I know it will continue to get better with time. It has been a big part of 2018, but I'm thankful for what I have learned because of it. I have seen parts of Solomon's personality that I didn't know were there yet, and it has been a gift to work through that with him. I'm praying that this experience will create a stronger trust for us as a family, trusting in each other, and trusting in a God that has full control. Who knew that potty training could teach you so much, right?!? HA!

I do know one thing though, I am so incredibly thankful for the people that God has placed in my life. The husband that is always the steady and faithful hand I need to hold on to. The children that Christ has entrusted to us. The mother that is always a phone call away when I need to vent or cry. The friends that have listened to me talk about poop way more than they care to, but never tell me to shut up. All of these things are such a HUGE gift, and I'm so thankful. God is so good, and He loves His children so much. 

& I've decided that Asher will just potty train himself when he is ready!

A Day in Our Life // 008

These posts are definitely a lot of work. Thinking about my day and tracking it. Taking photos and remembering to keep all the little details listed. It's funny how many details I shared on the first Day in our Life post, but that really isn't possible now. (really though, it's hilarious to read that entire post now, but also makes me want to cry because SOLOMON WAS SO TINY!!!!) But now, I have two little monkeys to chase, two sweet boys to love. I really wanted to do this so I could remember what life was like with an almost three year old & an almost nine month old. These are the days, right? 

5.22.18 // tuesday

The normal morning now consists of Asher waking up around 7:30 and Solomon waking up around 8. I normally wake up with both boys in the bed with me since Solomon sneaks in the room after the sun comes up. 

This morning was a little different, of course they always are when I plan on doing one of these posts. Asher is in his crib 80% of the night, but he always ends up in our bed for some of the night, because I'm too exhausted to try and sit up and nurse him in his room. 

7:15 - Asher wakes me up by falling off the bed! A first for him, and hopefully a last. Solomon definitely did this a few times once he started to crawl and move around in the bed. Thankfully Asher isn't in our bed as much as Solomon was, so I'm sure it won't happen again. Our bed is also a lot lower to the ground now and he landed on some pillows. He had some cuddles with mommy and some extra kisses, thankfully he was ok!

7:50 - Peter brings me my hot cup of coffee while I watch the Today Show and he heads off to work for the day. 

8:30 - Solomon makes his way downstairs after sleeping in our bed for about 30 minutes. Even if we aren't in the bed, he still stays to sleep a little bit longer. Funny kid! 

Asher is also very fussy since he has a little cold, so he wanted to nurse instead of eating in the morning. 

8:35 I have some Color Street work to do before making some breakfast for the boys.

9:00 - since the boys don't seem to be hungry quite yet, I clean out the dishwasher and reload it before making their oatmeal. 

9:15 - I feed Asher his oatmeal, and Solomon watches an episode of Puppy Dog Pals while he eats his.

9:50 - I make my shake and head upstairs to get ready for the day, and also get the clothes for both of the boys. 

10:00 - We get dressed and ready to go to Costo. 

10:30 - finally leave for Costco. 

11:10 - finished shopping and heading home with his smiley face receipt, Solomon's favorite part of Costco.

11:30 - Solomon is BEYOND "hangry" so I make him his lunch for him to eat while I take Asher upstairs for his nap. 

11:45 - I lay Asher down in his crib for his nap & Peter gets home for lunch. 

He and Solomon go outside to feed the chicks and collect the eggs for the day. 

11:55 - I make my lunch, two eggs on toast with some feta and red pepper flakes!

12:10 - Solomon comes in with a fig from the tree to eat quickly before his nap. 

Peter takes him upstairs for his nap while I'm eating lunch. 

12:20 - I watch an episode of Friends while I get some more Color Street work finished. 

12:40 - right before Peter heads back to work Asher wakes up so he goes to grab him for me and I nurse him and cuddle on the couch till he's ready to wake up. This hardly ever happens with him, so I know he doesn't feel well. 

1:00 - I try my best to play with him and keep him happy with several nursing breaks to make him feel better. 

2:10 - I go to wake up Solomon from his nap and find him sleeping on the pillows on his bedroom floor. Crazy boy, we go to get his Annie's bunnies for his post nap snack and he picks a tv show to watch. He prefers to wake up slowly like his momma. 

2:45 - we head to the playroom to hang out and play, I also cut some fruit for a snack for all of us. 

the way he is holding on to my neck.... he's so sweet! 

3:35 - go out for a QUICK walk because it is so dang hot.

4:00 - take Asher upstairs for his nap while Solomon plays in his room. After I lay Asher down I hear Solomon running to hide, he loves for me to try and "find him" once I put his baby brother in his crib! We spend the rest of the day playing together while I clean and put away laundry, then we head downstairs with a puzzle while we wait for daddy. 

5:50 - Peter comes home and we get ready to go to my mom's house for dinner. I go and get Asher up from his nap so we can go. 

The day is full of little things that we do every single day, and then there are always surprises, so we won't get bored. There are meltdowns, crying, playing, laughing, and so many memories I never want to forget. I know the days seem long, but the years have flown by. I can't believe we will have a three year old in just a few days. The sweet boy who made me a mom, so big, and so loved. We sure are blessed with both of our boys!! 

holding tight.

I think this time of year is always so exciting. The summer is coming to a close, which means the leaves will be changing soon and soup will be poured into dinner bowls and apples will be picked off the trees while the pumpkins are sitting on the porch. All very, very good things in my book! Another big change for many of us are the new schools, and teachers and classrooms, but I decided to sneak in one more year with both my boys at home together, while I could. Don’t get me wrong, I thought about it, and even toured a church preschool for a pre-K class, but I changed my mind for several reasons. One of them being the ache in my heart to keep Solomon close to me just a little bit longer. I’m thankful to have many friends with toddlers, so he’s never far from time with other children, but I know that isn’t the same thing. I know be would love it and thrive and grow so much at the chance to be away for a few hours a week, but it just didn’t feel right. Partly selfishly and then partly realistically. Either way, I’m holding tight just a little bit longer.

All this preparation in my heart for the possibility of letting go a little bit made my mind race. I see All the posts from friends as they send their kids to school. I hear the nervousness in my sister-in-laws voice as she talked about her son going to public school for the first time. There are a lot of firsts for us all, but I kept hearing the Lord reminding me that nothing is a first for Him. He knows the plans of our future and he holds us all in his hands. One of the many posts that I saw this week reminded all the parents out there of a very important truth simply stating “God loves them more.” And that is true. He loves us, and he gave us these little lives to love, teach, and then release out into the world, but then we have to remember that he loves those lives more than we could ever imagine. More than we  ever could possibly love them. They are his. 

So, as I soak in one more year with my little guys, playing and learning together, I will work my hardest to show them Christ in our home. Hopefully that will prepare Solomon even more for his first day of school. More than practicing numbers, letters and writing his name, but teaching him about the one who created the stars in the sky, and made him the strong and smart boy that he has become. Working on his heart more than his mind, so that when he is away from me, he will know he is loved by a real God & also treat others with kindness and love. 

I'm praying for all you parents who drove away from your babies this week. Those who dropped them off for a couple of hours & those who won't see them till their next holiday break. I can only imagine how your hearts must have felt and how tightly you wanted to hold on, but just remember, God loves them more. And he loves you, too!

& I can only imagine how many more hours I will spend laying on the floor coloring with my big boy. He's obsessed, and I absolutely love it!!!

Hard Love.

Motherhood is such a journey and has so many ups and downs. Every mother has a different story to tell and I think that is what makes it so beautiful. How we all have our own connection to becoming, being and growing as a mom. I will never take for granted the blessing it has been to be called mommy. It is hard, it is exhausting, but it is so good. I know that God put me on this earth to be a mom, and I'm so thankful that He has given me two little lives to lead back to Him. They aren't mine to keep, and I have to remind myself of that so often. I'm their mommy, their booboo kisser, their cheerleader, their first love, but most of all, I am their reminder of God's love. I have the very hard job of trying my best to always be an example of what Christ's love looks like for His children. Some days are hard, so so hard, but even in those hard days, I try my best to remind myself that this season is short. Even when it is hard, I know God has given me the heart to love them deeper and harder through it. Unconditional love for my sweet boys. 

Asher's new sweet smile that he just stared to give this week 

& Solomon's constant blur of adventure and fun in photo form. These two make me so happy!

Happy Mother's Day to all you Moms out there who are experiencing the hard love. The ones who yearn month after month to hold a baby of their own, to the mothers who are finished holding but miss those days so terribly bad, to the ones who feel like their arms may never stop holding and are beyond tired in the long dark hours of the night. All of it is so hard, but so good, and we are all women who love deeply in our own way. So, happy day to you!

a day in our life // 006

I added this to my monthly goals for February because I wanted to make it a priority to capture how my day looks at this stage in motherhood. Living out our day on a slow Monday morning, with a sweet and silly toddler, and a cute and cuddly baby. I know that the early days with a newborn go by so quickly and it is so important that I remember the little details that filled our day. These day in the life posts are my all time favorite to look back on. So many sweet details that I would have forgotten if I didn't take the time to record them. I never want to forget these days of loving on my two baby boys!

2.26.18 // monday

Of course my first Day in our Life post with two boys was very long and weird thanks to Asher's second Wonder Week Leap. He's normally a much better napper but today was a different story.

6:30 - Most mornings start between six and seven and I usually have to go downstairs with Asher so Solomon and Peter can sleep a little more. Peter wakes up around 7:30 to get ready for work so I have some alone time with Asher downstairs. Solomon is back in our bed a lot lately and we both don't have the energy to push it. Some nights Peter will take him back to his bed but most nights he ends up in our bed around 2.

I change Asher's diaper and he is always super happy in the morning. Definitely a morning person, unlike me and his brother. I put him in the swing and I clean the kitchen and empty the dishwasher. 

7:20 - Peter comes down to fix coffee and eat breakfast. 

7:30 - Solomon comes down starving and whining so I fix bagels for us.

7:50 - Peter leaves for work and I finish cleaning the kitchen after breakfast. 

8:00 - head into the playroom to drink my coffee and let Solomon color. 

8:25 - I nurse Asher for a bit before he falls asleep. His first nap is always around 8:30, no matter when he wakes up for the day. He falls asleep after a little milk and bouncing on the playroom couch. 

I turn on the TV for Solomon so he can watch a little bit while I go lay Asher down in his crib. 

8:40 - lay down Asher for his nap.
I then go make my bed and put away laundry from the day before.

9:00 - I put in the daily load of laundry. I'm finally caught up on laundry and I'm trying to do one load a day so I don't get behind.
I then go to clean up the living room while Solomon finishes watching an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

9:14 - Asher wakes up from his nap and I change his diaper.

9:20 - we head back to the playroom with some animal crackers for Solomon and milk for Asher.

9:45 Asher is finished nursing and I need to change Solomon's morning dirty diaper and get him dressed. I brought down some clothes earlier this morning for him to change.

9:50 - switch the laundry to the dryer while the boys lay on the floor together.

10:00 - play with puzzles with Solomon and talk to Asher in his Rock and Play.

10:50 - lay Asher down for another nap and set up paint for Solomon so I can read my bible. 

11:35 - more puzzle fun with Solomon before Ashe wakes up. I always try and use some of his naptimes to have some one on one playtime with Solomon. We both need it! 

11:50 - Asher wakes up starving since he didn't nurse to sleep and Solomon wants to play upstairs so I end up nursing Asher on our bed while Solomon plays. This is becoming a regular thing which I don't mind at all. I love to sit quietly and watch him play and jump on the bed as Asher drinks his milk. 

12:00 - Peter comes home for lunch and comes upstairs to find us. He makes PB & honey sandwiches for all of us while I finish feeding Asher. 

12:20 - I take Asher downstairs and put him in the swing while I take a quick shower and finally change out of my pajamas. 

12:30 - I sit down to eat my sandwich Peter made me after getting ready. Once I'm done eating I go to change Asher's diaper since he's fussy. I get to hold him and play with him while Solomon plays with daddy. 

12:50 - Peter heads back to work and Solomon plays more puzzles. He is ALL ABOUT puzzles lately. 

1:05 - I nurse Asher again, I want to get him super full so he will have a long afternoon nap. 

1:40 - I lay Asher down in his crib and let Solomon have some TV time while I work on this blog post. 

2:15 - Asher wakes up crying and I bring him back to the couch for cuddles and more milk.

This second leap is crazy, all he wants is cuddles and to nurse. 

2:40 - he's not in the mood to sleep so I let him lay and and look at the lights while Solomon finishes a show. 

3:00 - Solomon needs a snack so he finishes a leftover grilled cheese from the night before and devours it. 

3:15 - Asher finally poops for the day and I think this might help him rest and sleep better in his crib?

I change both of the boy's diapers and this always leads to cuddle time on the floor. Asher usually gets bored of it after the 10th kiss, haha! ;)

3:40 - back to nursing again and he is wide awake staring at me while he drinks until around 4 and starts to doze off. 

4:00 - I turn on the TV again for Solomon so I can go upstairs and try to let Asher fall asleep easier without all the big brother noise. Most days aren't a back and forth kind of dance with naps and Solomon doesn't get as much TV time, but days like today, it's the best option to keep him entertained while I try and help Asher sleep. 

4:15 - I put him down again and run downstairs to try and finish editing these photos and type up the post. Asher wakes up crying before 10 minutes so I give up. 

4:24 - I go to get Asher again and decide to just hold him and cuddle since he seems to need that most today. 

5:20 - he wakes up from a long nap of being held the entire time and Solomon has enjoyed WAY too much TV, so we decide to go in the playroom and color until daddy gets home. 

5:45 - Peter gets home and we go to his Mom's house for dinner. Asher is wide awake most of the time at dinner and sleeps in a rocker there for maybe 20 minutes at most. 

8:20 - we hang out at his mom's house with family until it's time to head home for bed time. Before we leave we change the boy's diapers and my SIL snapped this picture. It is one of my favorite pictures so far since Asher has been born. I love how it shows our teamwork of parenting... I'm so thankful to have a husband who does the "dirty work" of parenthood with me. He changes the diapers, does bathtime and rocks babies; and I'm so thankful for it!!